Now go easy on me Brenda... it's all just in the name of fun. ;)

THIS IS FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE BASHING JOKES

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to him..

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.


How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me . ."


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


All wives are alike. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.


What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Many say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It is called Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffer.....ing.


Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said,"Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two Mothers-in-law.

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

LOL....ok, my turn.

Men are like......

.....placemats
they only show up when there's food on the table.

.....mascara
they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

.....bike helmets
they're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.

.....copiers
you need them in reproduction but that's about it.

.....lava lamps
fun to look at it but not all that bright.

.....bank accounts
without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

.....high heels
they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

.....curling irons
they're always hot and always in your hair.

.....mini skirts
if your not careful they'll creep up your legs.

.....handguns
keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.

>.....bank accounts
>without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of
>interest.

That's A-#1 reason why I personally plan on marrying a SUGAR MOMMA.