Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: Fluctuates. Self-reporting probably inaccurate.

Physical properties:

Generally round in form.
Boils spontaneously and unexpectedly.
May freeze at any time.
Known to melt with proper care.
Very bitter if mishandled.
Spoils very easily.


Chemical properties:

Very active, at times highly unstable.
Strong attraction to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Volatile when left alone.
May exhibit green tinge in the presence of a shinier or newer specimen.


Usage:

Powerful wealth-dispersing catalyst and reducing agent.
Newer specimens valued for ornamental use (Reference white paper(s): Sugar Daddy, Trophy Wife)


CAUTIONS:

May explode with lack of prior handling experience.
Subject to unexplainable monthly flare-ups. (Ref w/p: PMS)

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Element name: MAN
Symbol: MA
Atomic Weight: Varies. Usually less after exposure to WO.


Physical properties:

Very unsophisticated, simple structure. (Ref w/p: Amoeba, Slug, Nematode, et sequalae)
Easy to manipulate in presence of WO. (Ref w/p: PW, Little Finger)
May be totally insensate, or at best insensitive. Further investigation required.
Loss of cranial hair observed after long-term, constant exposure to one WO sample
Frequent lack/loss of eye/neck muscle control in the presence of multiple samples of WO


Chemical properties:

Most often inert. (Ref w/p: Couch Potato Syndrome)
Activity level may increase with exposure to RF source on Sunday afternoons. (Ref w/p: Football)
Very strong attraction to IR devices. (Ref w/p: Couch Potato Syndrome, Remote Control chapter)
Often unstable in the presence of WO


CAUTIONS:

Long-term exposure to WO may result in instability, dependence and/or addiction
Long-term exposure to one WO may result in loss of previously-learned behavior (Ref w/p: Hamper, Underwear chapter)


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WOMANSPEAK (to men)

Yes = No or maybe
No = No, maybe or Yes
Maybe = No, usually
It's your decision = The correct decision is obvious... mine!
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
No, I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
How much do you love me? = I did something you're not going to like
Is my (whatever) fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = (Too late, you're dead)
We'll talk later = Don't even THINK about *** tonight!
Let's just be friends = I'd rather have to sleep with almost anyone else

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MANSPEAK (to women)

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
I'm bored = Do you want to go to bed?
Nice dress = Nice cleavage
Let me give you a massage = I want to get my hands on you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you
Let's talk = I want to impress you and maybe then you'll sleep with me
I love you = Let's go to bed now
I love you too = Okay, I said it... let's go to bed now
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma is it this time?
Now what's wrong? = So, I guess *** is out of the question?
Will you marry me? = I don't want you to sleep with other guys
Let's just be friends = Is it okay if I call your sister some time?

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