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Subject: "women vs. men" Previous topic | Next topic
DaDwarfsThu May-22-03 01:51 AM
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"women vs. men"


          

OK guys you asked for it

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal...



Da Dwarfs__________________________
*************************
UD Crunching in memory of

Freddie (1949-1990)
Miss ya bro

Vicky (1960-2002)
You fought long and hard

PEACE


Attachment #1, (jpg file)

  

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Replies to this topic
Subject Author Message Date ID
RE: women vs. men
Oct 05th 2002
1
RE: women vs. men
May 22nd 2003
11
      RE: women vs. men
Oct 07th 2002
8
RE: women vs. men
Oct 05th 2002
2
RE: women vs. men
Oct 05th 2002
3
RE: Yeah, Yeah! All Men Are Dumb!
Oct 05th 2002
4
RE: Yeah, Yeah! All Men Are Dumb!
Oct 05th 2002
5
RE: women vs. men
Oct 06th 2002
6
RE: women vs. men
Oct 06th 2002
7
RE: women vs. men
Oct 07th 2002
9
RE: women vs. men
Oct 09th 2002
10

sophie tuckerSat Oct-05-02 06:06 PM
Member since Jan 31st 2002
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#1. "RE: women vs. men"
In response to DaDwarfs (Reply # 0)


          

LOL!!!

you go, girlfriend!

  

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baloThu May-22-03 01:51 AM
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#11. "RE: women vs. men"
In response to sophie tucker (Reply # 1)


          

>LOL!!!
>
>you go, girlfriend!




Of course I would never want to get into this area - but:







http://www.bobbalogh.com/


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DaDwarfsMon Oct-07-02 02:06 AM
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#8. "RE: women vs. men"
In response to balo (Reply # 11)


          

USED BRAIN SALE

The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.

"Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."

"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.

"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000." Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded in understanding, and a few actually smirked. Then the patient's daughter asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?"

"A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women's brains have to be marked down because they are used."
}> }> }> }>


Da Dwarfs
__________________________
*************************
UD Crunching in memory of

Freddie (1949-1990)
Miss ya bro

Vicky (1960-2002)
You fought long and hard

PEACE


  

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Carl DSat Oct-05-02 06:10 PM
Member since Oct 03rd 2002
1241 posts
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#2. "RE: women vs. men"
In response to DaDwarfs (Reply # 0)


          

Hello, well, seeing as this seems to be a hot topic I've found some humorous reading here

Carl

  

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npmclSat Oct-05-02 08:54 PM
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#3. "RE: women vs. men"
In response to DaDwarfs (Reply # 0)


  

          

Da Dwarfs, brilliant and so true!

  

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SonnySat Oct-05-02 09:04 PM
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#4. "RE: Yeah, Yeah! All Men Are Dumb!"
In response to DaDwarfs (Reply # 0)


  

          




  

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FlyboySat Oct-05-02 09:11 PM
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#5. "RE: Yeah, Yeah! All Men Are Dumb!"
In response to Sonny (Reply # 4)


          

Thanks for the laugh. I don't think I've seen that picture before.

  

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NapoleanSun Oct-06-02 12:38 AM
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#6. "RE: women vs. men"
In response to DaDwarfs (Reply # 0)


          

LOL
I like #11

  

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sandycodderSun Oct-06-02 05:09 AM
Member since Feb 20th 2002
508 posts
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#7. "RE: women vs. men"
In response to Napolean (Reply # 6)


          

Sonny and Da Dwarfs,

You made my Day

Steve

  

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PsychoLogicalMon Oct-07-02 05:17 AM
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#9. "RE: women vs. men"
In response to DaDwarfs (Reply # 0)


          

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: Fluctuates. Self-reporting probably inaccurate.

Physical properties:

Generally round in form.
Boils spontaneously and unexpectedly.
May freeze at any time.
Known to melt with proper care.
Very bitter if mishandled.
Spoils very easily.


Chemical properties:

Very active, at times highly unstable.
Strong attraction to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Volatile when left alone.
May exhibit green tinge in the presence of a shinier or newer specimen.


Usage:

Powerful wealth-dispersing catalyst and reducing agent.
Newer specimens valued for ornamental use (Reference white paper(s): Sugar Daddy, Trophy Wife)


CAUTIONS:

May explode with lack of prior handling experience.
Subject to unexplainable monthly flare-ups. (Ref w/p: PMS)

------------------------------

Element name: MAN
Symbol: MA
Atomic Weight: Varies. Usually less after exposure to WO.


Physical properties:

Very unsophisticated, simple structure. (Ref w/p: Amoeba, Slug, Nematode, et sequalae)
Easy to manipulate in presence of WO. (Ref w/p: PW, Little Finger)
May be totally insensate, or at best insensitive. Further investigation required.
Loss of cranial hair observed after long-term, constant exposure to one WO sample
Frequent lack/loss of eye/neck muscle control in the presence of multiple samples of WO


Chemical properties:

Most often inert. (Ref w/p: Couch Potato Syndrome)
Activity level may increase with exposure to RF source on Sunday afternoons. (Ref w/p: Football)
Very strong attraction to IR devices. (Ref w/p: Couch Potato Syndrome, Remote Control chapter)
Often unstable in the presence of WO


CAUTIONS:

Long-term exposure to WO may result in instability, dependence and/or addiction
Long-term exposure to one WO may result in loss of previously-learned behavior (Ref w/p: Hamper, Underwear chapter)


*********************************************************************


WOMANSPEAK (to men)

Yes = No or maybe
No = No, maybe or Yes
Maybe = No, usually
It's your decision = The correct decision is obvious... mine!
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
No, I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
How much do you love me? = I did something you're not going to like
Is my (whatever) fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = (Too late, you're dead)
We'll talk later = Don't even THINK about *** tonight!
Let's just be friends = I'd rather have to sleep with almost anyone else

------------------------------

MANSPEAK (to women)

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
I'm bored = Do you want to go to bed?
Nice dress = Nice cleavage
Let me give you a massage = I want to get my hands on you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you
Let's talk = I want to impress you and maybe then you'll sleep with me
I love you = Let's go to bed now
I love you too = Okay, I said it... let's go to bed now
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma is it this time?
Now what's wrong? = So, I guess *** is out of the question?
Will you marry me? = I don't want you to sleep with other guys
Let's just be friends = Is it okay if I call your sister some time?


  

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DaDwarfsWed Oct-09-02 07:20 AM
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#10. "RE: women vs. men"
In response to PsychoLogical (Reply # 9)


          

GENDER

SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.Because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are
pushed. Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

TYRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE - female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS - female, because over time the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years,but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL - female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.



__________________________
*************************
UD/PC911 Crunching in memory of

Freddie (1949-1990)
Miss ya bro

Vicky (1960-2002)
You fought long and hard

PEACE


  

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