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mcnallyjpTue Oct-08-02 01:02 AM
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"You're Addicted To Your Computer If"


  

          

(seen a lot of these before but ...)

* Your wife wants a diamond for her birthday, and you get her a Diamond Stealth Video Card.

* You know what PPP, SLIP, HTML & FTP mean...but darned if you can remember your wife's maiden name.

* You sit in front of the TV trying to type at a keyboard.

* You find out that hemorrhoids aren't THAT painful, as long as you're on the 'Net.

* When someone yells out "What's for supper?" you do a search for SUPPER.COM.

* You suspect there's a virus in your mashed potatoes.

* If you smoke away from the machine, you notice that the breaks are getting shorter and less frequent.

* The optometrist looks deep in your eyes, and sees a screen saver.

* You finally save up enough to visit the Grand Canyon, and you can't help but wonder how it would look on a 21" SVGA.

* "Not tonight, I have a headache" has been replaced with "Not tonight, I finally got connected."

* Your computer room has a better air conditioner than your bedroom.

* You wonder if you can install your own fiber optics telephone line to your server.

* You speak of "Your Server" with the same reverence you used to reserve for your Doctor.

* You never met the guy, but you've already decided on a plan to assassinate Bill Gates.

* You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.

* When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find that it's on TV.

* If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.

* When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.

* When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home.com.

* If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.

* If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart.

* If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.

* If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.

* If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.

* When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.

* If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.

* You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.

* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.

* Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.

* You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"

* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.

* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

* All of your friends have an @ in their names.

* When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

* Your dog has its own home page.

* Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.

* You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

* Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months.

*You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.

* You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.

* Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

* You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."

* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.

* The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.

* You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

* You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

* You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

* You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.

* You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

* You start using smileys in your snail mail.

* You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.

* You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.

* When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.

* You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen names and you never bothered to ask.

* You move into a new house and you decide to Netscape before you landscape.

* Your family always knows where you are.

* In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL"

* After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend

Jim

  

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Replies to this topic
Subject Author Message Date ID
RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 08th 2002
1
RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 08th 2002
2
RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 08th 2002
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      RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 08th 2002
4
      RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 08th 2002
5
           RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 08th 2002
6
                this is addiction!
Oct 08th 2002
7
                RE: this is addiction!
Oct 08th 2002
11
                     pic from the net
Oct 08th 2002
12
                          RE: pic from the net
Oct 09th 2002
15
                RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
May 22nd 2003
                     RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
May 22nd 2003
RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 08th 2002
8
RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 08th 2002
9
      RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 08th 2002
10
      RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 10th 2002
16
RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 08th 2002
13
RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
May 22nd 2003
19
      RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 09th 2002
14
           RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 10th 2002
17
                RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If
Oct 10th 2002
18

patysonTue Oct-08-02 01:31 AM
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#1. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to mcnallyjp (Reply # 0)


  

          

The sad & scary part is that...almost everyone of them applies to me!


Good Stuf

  

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KJTTue Oct-08-02 01:32 AM
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#2. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to mcnallyjp (Reply # 0)


  

          

There's a whole lot of truth there along with the humor!

Jim.

  

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JaneTue Oct-08-02 01:41 AM
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#3. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to KJT (Reply # 2)


  

          

At the last line , ROFLMAO I just did . }> thanks Jim
Jane

Jane

  

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ukmitchTue Oct-08-02 03:32 AM
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#4. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to Jane (Reply # 3)


  

          

Me too, Jane.

But I'm not showing to my wife, 'cos she'll stop me staying up all night



Mitch

  

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waldoTue Oct-08-02 03:33 AM
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#5. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to Jane (Reply # 3)


  

          

There's humor in there? It's indeed a sickness. I would have repied sooner but I had to go download!

Walter A Robertson

  

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giddyrigTue Oct-08-02 06:30 AM
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#6. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to waldo (Reply # 5)


          

I always thought it was referred to as Downloading and Logging Off! LOL

But, can you REALLY say 3½ inch floppy with a straight face?

Some of my friends couldn't believe that I was actually excited to have a "Scuzzy" Hard drive. I think that they were relieved when I was referring to my PC.


  

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RoperaTue Oct-08-02 08:56 AM
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#7. "this is addiction!"
In response to giddyrig (Reply # 6)


          


  

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mcnallyjpTue Oct-08-02 05:22 PM
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#11. "RE: this is addiction!"
In response to Ropera (Reply # 7)


  

          

Is that in your house?

Jim

  

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RoperaTue Oct-08-02 09:43 PM
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#12. "pic from the net"
In response to mcnallyjp (Reply # 11)


          

.

  

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mcnallyjpWed Oct-09-02 03:36 AM
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#15. "RE: pic from the net"
In response to Ropera (Reply # 12)


  

          

I should look more closely in future.

Jim

  

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81 NewbeeThu May-22-03 01:51 AM
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"RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"


  

          

Jim,I'm thinking of getting one of these for our bathroom.Does that mean that I may be addictd???

81 Newbee

Attachment #1, (jpg file)

  

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JaneThu May-22-03 01:51 AM
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"RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"


  

          

Hey guys gonna get me one of those }>
Jane

Jane

Attachment #1, (jpg file)

  

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CopperTue Oct-08-02 10:24 AM
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#8. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to mcnallyjp (Reply # 0)


          


"Your family always knows where you are."

When my husband comes home and I'm not at my computer, he panics!

Copper

  

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DaDwarfsTue Oct-08-02 05:05 PM
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#9. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to Copper (Reply # 8)


          

It is so good to know I'm not alone.
I try to accomplish a noticable task like mowing the lawn or run the sweeper before my DH gets home. }>

Da Dwarfs

___________________________
*************************
UD/PC911 Crunching in memory of

Freddie (1949-1990)
Miss ya bro

Vicky (1960-2002)
You fought long and hard

PEACE


  

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mcnallyjpTue Oct-08-02 05:21 PM
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#10. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to DaDwarfs (Reply # 9)


  

          


>I try to accomplish a noticable task like mowing the lawn or
>run the sweeper before my DH gets home. }>
>
>Da Dwarfs >

sounds like my day,

Jim

  

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serlvThu Oct-10-02 08:48 AM
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#16. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to DaDwarfs (Reply # 9)


          

My lawn died from lacl of attention. It is now a very dry yellow carpet.

Still Crunching To Crush Cancer




Somebody, Stop Me!

  

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veraTue Oct-08-02 09:50 PM
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#13. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to mcnallyjp (Reply # 0)


          

I have to make deals with myself. Start a real chore and I can take a break here and there. But I have to really get something done between breaks. It's amazing how fast I can move when I want to.

  

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JaneThu May-22-03 01:51 AM
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#19. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to vera (Reply # 13)
Wed Oct-09-02 02:52 AM

  

          

Well give yourself a break Vera it's your nameday today . By european calendar . So have a happy one and relax . Put the blame on me today
Jane

Jane

Attachment #1, (jpg file)

  

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veraWed Oct-09-02 03:09 AM
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#14. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to Jane (Reply # 19)


          

Thanks Jane

It's getting late to take the day off now. But I'll definately consider it for tommorow. 'Member it was all your idea.

  

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andrini2000Thu Oct-10-02 08:52 AM
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#17. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to vera (Reply # 14)


  

          

Well, I've heard in the news that the computer is turning out to be worse than some drugs.
Being addictive that is.



Gravity....not just a good idea, it's the law!
My Magic

  

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golouisThu Oct-10-02 05:19 PM
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#18. "RE: You're Addicted To Your Computer If"
In response to andrini2000 (Reply # 17)


          

Detoxification programs for computer addicts take longer and are much more painful.

Also most drug addicts can go longer between shots than computer addicts between checking their screen

Louis

  

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