My husband was arrested Dec.8th,2002 and has not lived at home since. He started in a men's shelter then rented a room and drank and drank till he was sick. He has been in the hospital after having a seizure from alcoholism. He was then in a dry house and now this well-known treatment centre. Then he will go back to the dry house. You cannot work in a dry house during your stay. So he has to then go to a Recovery house which allows you to work. He is detoxed now and acting more normal (non-violent) but I have been watching with great curiosity how his general behaviour will be sober. I have never lived with him sober. Much to my disappoint he has extreme anxiety attacks and says he has an underlying anger that he can't explain and he is overwhelmed with all the credit cards he has not paid since Nov.2002 and fears finding a job because he gets anxiety when working if there is pressure.

So he is still complicated, unfortunately. But he ain't coming home like that! I won't let that happen. I have to see some changes. If the psychiastrist can't help him, no one can, and I will not reunite with him.

He is so unfront about all of this, so completely honest and forthright. He admits all of it, is sorry, and wants to change.
It's a 50/50 chance that he can, perhaps??

But, still we MISUNDERSTAND each other. Or at least, he claims his remarks are NOT meant in a bad way but I misinterpret them. Today we talked about his watch. I had bought him a good watch but I threw it out when he left. I bought him a cheaper watch $30 when he was drinking before the hospital so he could keep his appointments with the police station, John Howard society etc. He told me that his new watch was the chevy version of the cadillac he had before, and he tried to set things on it but it just didn't have the features of the other watch.

I took that as a complaint. I thought, what nerve that s.o.b. has!
He never gave me a single penny since moving from the U.S.A. but now has the nerve to say his replacement watch is not good enough?!?!

So I asked him. He said he LOVES the watch. He told me he meant he was glad it had less features because there is less to go wrong. And I was supposed to get from those two sentences he said that he loved it and was glad it was simpler! How the hell.....?????

So again, over and over and over and over.....we have this trouble ALL of the time....he says things that seem rotten and then insists they are not really...it's just me taking it wrong.

So, one thing we need to do is fix this. We both said today we need to have a tape recorder. LOL.

I don't know if I am at fault, partially or fully or not at all. There are hundreds and thousands of instances like this. I am always outraged by his remarks and how he feels about things. He says he is socially retarded and just doesn't know how to act differently. He said "I always think of you as a pal and think I can say anything to you and that you would always appreciate the truth".

I keep saying we need a referee living with us. In fact, these arguments are one of the most disruptive things in our lives. He says really mean, cruel things, or stupid unfeeling things, or vague things....and I always take them to heart and feel slighted. I am famous for being overly sensitive.

I wish I could fix this aspect of our relationship. We are both determined to do it. I told him "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all". Like about my lump. Just tell me it's going to be nothing serious...don't ask me if I am going to die now!

He never belted me. I got bruised from being pushed and pulled in his attempt to make me come around to his side during some of those same kind of fights. He says ugly things, or selfish things, and I get pissed off.

Over and over and over.....

We do need the tape recorder. Perhaps a video tape too to show facial expressions. LOL

I am getting tired of the struggle to make things work. I can't take a whole lot more.

But if anyone knows what we should do about this differences from what I HEAR and what he SAYS HE SAID....I'd appreciate it.

I am sorry for anyone who has lived with alcoholism. Most of the men in the places he has been in recently are crack addicts. One was doing "listerine". They are very disturbed compared to my husband on a normal day. He is very normal most of the time. But put ANY crisis or pressure on him....then it's sudden panic that turns him into a Jeckyll and Hyde.

Dang.....if this relationship ever works out....I will buy you all a beer! Only my hubby can't have any!

Take care.