Consider the following:

Educated woman with grown children is divorced.

Woman meets man online in chat room.

Woman and man correspond and become close.

Woman travels out of state to meet man by surprise.

Man reacts angrily and refuses to see woman. Woman goes home.

After some time, woman and man warm up again online.

Gradually, woman is referring to man as "boyfriend."

During the entire duration of their acquaintance (over five years) they have never met face to face.

There is more but this much detail is sufficient.

What do you all think of this situation?

Woman is nuts and very low self esteem or prefers to live outside of reality(see nuts).

I would bet this man's wife would not like this situation one bit. Very, very dangerous.

The man is single and is believed to have never married.

"Man reacts angrily and refuses to see woman. Woman goes home."

This statement says it all. They will never meet and somebody is wasting their time.

She is very foolish, and I agree that his wife wouldn't like it. On the other hand, if she is that determined to have this relationship, he might consider how unstable she could be too. There could be danger on both sides.

" Arlene
Life is a journey... not a destination. Enjoy the trip!

The man is single, younger and believed to have never been married.

" Arlene
Life is a journey... not a destination. Enjoy the trip!

It appeared at one time, Arlene, that she knew it wasn't normal. Then things went downhill.

Intervening is risky. Hopefully, she will soon see a therapist/psychiatrist who can help before further damage occurs.

You shouldn't have led her on

MSU

It's not me! I want to make that perfectly clear. And no, the woman is not my ex-wife.

Seriously, the woman involved is a somewhat remote acquaintance of mine. A number of people are becoming concerned about her.

It's clear to me that no one believes this is normal or healthy. I believe the woman is depressed, feels lonely and incomplete and did not complete the emotional transition from marriage to singlehood. She needs to see a therapist to help her deal with reality and understand how she reached the state where she feels it is normal to engage a man who refuses to meet her in person and who for whatever reason is playing with her head.

As I stated in the original post, there is more to this that does not need to be mentioned. It is sufficient to say that the man refuses to see her in person and that she is willing to isolate herself in the relationship. Sadly, that says much.

What concerns me the most is that she may be an internet junkie but for the wrong reasons. (Seeking blind friendship.) This in itself may be a factor in her losing touch with reality.

If she is a net junkie for seeking friendship I'd say that this would be one of the top things that needs to addressed to actually bring her back to reality.

The reaction of the guy is concerning.

I agree Peter. It is quite possible that her need for blind friendship and fondness of chat rooms helped bring her marriage down in the first place.

*****************
_z36

This reminds me a lot of a documentary that I watched on the CBC regarding an online game called "Second Life".

http://www.cbc.ca/fifth/2008-2009/strangers_in_paradise/

Granted that she's only been in a chat room but I think that the emotional effects are somewhat similar.

It's all chemistry, I have read that love and hate are manifestations of similar chemical imbalances in the brain, one is constructive and the other is destructive, sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference.

Shelly

Up until "Man reacts angrily and refuses to see woman. Woman goes home." I'd have said this is a normal online dating situation. I'd need some more details about the "Man reacts angrily and refuses to see woman. Woman goes home." part to make more of a judgement.

When Beth and I met face-to-face for the first time, it was in an arranged public place and we each had "backup" standing by just in case things didn't work out. (Luckily, we didn't need the backup. )

Did the man react angrily because he got suspicious that something was fishy with her showing up out of the blue like that? Did she show up at his home/work unexpectedly? Were they talking about meeting in person at all? How long had they been chatting when she made her visit? It could be that she simply scared him with her unexpected visit.

Yes, the "haven't met face-to-face in over 5 years" part doesn't jibe with "boyfriend", but I'd want more details before demonizing the guy for being angry when a woman he's chatting with online shows up in person unexpectedly.

I concur that her surprising him was not the best move. As I recall, he was against ever meeting her in person at all. Now, as long as he does not have to meet her in person, they can have a "relationship."

This guy should have at the very least been man enough to set things straight with her. It appears either he has not or she is willing to submit to this relationship.

There is more; she stays inside a dark house and is increasingly letting her yard go. The papers and mail are not picked up regularly. Plus, she had an incident at work that was totally out of character. Fortunately, she still has a job.

Her behavior regarding her home and increased isolation is not how she was two years ago. Neighbors are noticing the change.

I cannot disclose the chat room where they "met" (a moderated chat room related to sports events) nor her location. But I know enough to realize she needs professional help.

Yes, this is definitely sounding more and more like something wrong with her. She's clearly obsessing about a "relationship" that doesn't exist in the "real world." You can have some very good friendships that are online only, but if they get in the way of your real-life, there's a problem. It sounds to me like she's addicted to this "relationship" and likely has put all her mental eggs in this basket. She probably holds out hope that one day it'll turn into a real relationship and she just needs to wait. In addition, if she breaks this off, she likely feels that she would be alone for the rest of her life. Clearly, some kind of intervention is required.

EDIT: I'd consult a psychiatrist before any intervention of any kind. I'd be afraid of how she would react if you try to force her to cut off contact with her "boyfriend." It might backfire and drive her deeper into this fantasy. (As you and anyone else participating would be "getting in the way," she might cut off all contact with you. Thus even more of her social eggs would be in the online relationship basket.)

Well said, Jason. Your conclusion is the same as mine and others familiar with the situation.

Good advice on the intervention approach, too. I am afraid it's going to be tough to get her out of this fantasy. She is deeply entrenched.