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Advantages of an internal modem
As when you stop banging your head against a brick wall, it feels good when you have finished installing your internal modem. Here are a few reasons for gratitude:
It doesn't hog up your desk space. You still have room for that retro desk lamp you've been eyeing.
Plenty of room left on your power strip. Now you can plug in your lava lamp. (It's a good substitute for those little lights on the external modems.)
You saved a wee bit o' cash. Internal models cost a bit less than their external brethren — and you didn't have to spring for a cable or an upgraded serial port, either. Because you're not a nerd, you won't be spending your change on computer stuff . . . yet.
Installing an internal modem makes you feel buff. Installing an internal modem is really quite an accomplishment. For fun, be sure to bring it up often at cocktail parties; you'll get the nerdier guests to start talking in numbers. (Everyone else will just eye you suspiciously.)
No need to buy an expensive cable. You just saved yourself $15 to $25 on a decent serial cable. You also saved yourself the sight of that unruly cable tangle in the back of your PC.
No one in his or her right mind would try to steal an internal modem. Who would voluntarily go through what you just went through just to steal an icky computer gizmo? Of course, they could just pick up the whole computer and climb back out the window, but hey, you can't worry about everything, can you?
Advantages of an external modem
Aren't you glad you've got all those cables and stuff plugged in? Doesn't the new modem look cool on your desk? Here's some other stuff to be happy about:
Those cute little lights . . . give you the feeling of peeping inside and watching the action, rather than just staring at a closed door and wondering whether anybody's really behind there. Besides, those little lights let you know whether your modem is doing something — unlike an internal modem, where you're always wondering whether the other guy hung up on you about five minutes ago.
You can use it with any computer, anywhere. You can unplug it and use it with your computer at work, or with Jeremy's down the street, or with that laptop you're thinking about buying. Plus, it's easier to sell when you get a newer, faster one. You can even sell it to the guy with the four-year-old Amiga brand computer.
The speaker's volume control knob is easier to reach. You don't feel as helpless when you hear that screaming dial tone, the beeps, and the harsh barfing sounds PCs make when they start to talk to each other.
If you ever get really carried away and start staying up late to download games and stuff, you won't keep your housemates awake and wondering whether you've totally lost it. (You have.)
It doesn't hog an expansion slot inside your PC. Don't worry; no matter how you try to avoid it, that slot will fill up sooner or later. Best to prolong the invasion for as long as possible, though.
It looks impressive on your desktop. Especially with the speaker blaring and the indicator lights flashing a lot.
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