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Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: Fluctuates. Self-reporting probably inaccurate.
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils spontaneously and unexpectedly. May freeze at any time. Known to melt with proper care. Very bitter if mishandled. Spoils very easily.
Chemical properties: Very active, at times highly unstable. Strong attraction to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. May exhibit green tinge in the presence of a shinier or newer specimen.
Usage:
Powerful wealth-dispersing catalyst and reducing agent. Newer specimens valued for ornamental use (Reference white paper(s): Sugar Daddy, Trophy Wife)
CAUTIONS:
May explode with lack of prior handling experience. Subject to unexplainable monthly flare-ups. (Ref w/p: PMS)
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Element name: MAN Symbol: MA Atomic Weight: Varies. Usually less after exposure to WO.
Physical properties:
Very unsophisticated, simple structure. (Ref w/p: Amoeba, Slug, Nematode, et sequalae) Easy to manipulate in presence of WO. (Ref w/p: PW, Little Finger) May be totally insensate, or at best insensitive. Further investigation required. Loss of cranial hair observed after long-term, constant exposure to one WO sample Frequent lack/loss of eye/neck muscle control in the presence of multiple samples of WO
Chemical properties:
Most often inert. (Ref w/p: Couch Potato Syndrome) Activity level may increase with exposure to RF source on Sunday afternoons. (Ref w/p: Football) Very strong attraction to IR devices. (Ref w/p: Couch Potato Syndrome, Remote Control chapter) Often unstable in the presence of WO
CAUTIONS:
Long-term exposure to WO may result in instability, dependence and/or addiction Long-term exposure to one WO may result in loss of previously-learned behavior (Ref w/p: Hamper, Underwear chapter)
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WOMANSPEAK (to men)
Yes = No or maybe No = No, maybe or Yes Maybe = No, usually It's your decision = The correct decision is obvious... mine! Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to No, I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! How much do you love me? = I did something you're not going to like Is my (whatever) fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me Are you listening to me? = (Too late, you're dead) We'll talk later = Don't even THINK about *** tonight! Let's just be friends = I'd rather have to sleep with almost anyone else
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MANSPEAK (to women)
I'm hungry = I'm hungry I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy I'm tired = I'm tired I'm bored = Do you want to go to bed? Nice dress = Nice cleavage Let me give you a massage = I want to get my hands on you Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to sleep with you Let's talk = I want to impress you and maybe then you'll sleep with me I love you = Let's go to bed now I love you too = Okay, I said it... let's go to bed now What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma is it this time? Now what's wrong? = So, I guess *** is out of the question? Will you marry me? = I don't want you to sleep with other guys Let's just be friends = Is it okay if I call your sister some time?
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